I feel a need to break down some random videos that I either like / dislike / thought were weird for all of you. (All of these will be past the break but the first one, just so my front page isn’t overloaded with music videos.)

This is one of those videos where you look at it and say “Oh, this could have been a good idea, but it just turned out weird.” I think that about sums it up.  There’s obviously a lot of focus on the cinematography and not much on making an actual cohesive video that isn’t just insanity everywhere.

This video’s a pretty standard-fare pop video.  Pretty much a party going on, some cars, some costume changes.  Yippee.  The song, though?  The singing is terrible.  The song itself is super catchy.  I wouldn’t say it’s necessarily a good song, but if you can’t sing the chorus by the end of the song then you need to get your hearing checked.

This is like the exact opposite of the La Roux video.  There’s no way that any of this ever seemed like a good idea.  From the awkward dancing, to the glittery birthing canal, to the ridiculous white-washing of Shakira, there’s really nothing good about this video.  Except that it’s pretty much hilarious.

I don’t know how she managed to top the weirdness of the Shakira video, but then again…this is Gaga we’re talking about.  Don’t watch if you don’t like nightmares (or just want to see what would happen if Lady Gaga got sold into Russian Mafia sex slavery).  Seriously.  There is not a single second of this that isn’t pure terror-inducing.

1. Miley Cyrus is STILL too young for this type of clothing.
2. You physically can’t move your hips like “yeah.” That doesn’t even make sense.
3. This song is just plain annoying.

Alright, fun story time!

I had the air conditioning in my dorm room on “low” for several days (it has four settings–off, high, medium, and low).  Being a reasonable person, what would you do if you were cold?

Acceptable answers include:

1. Drop hints that, hey, it’s kind of cold.
2. Ask to turn it off.
3. Just turn it off, getting the point across.
4. Ignore it and deal with it.

Okay, now imagine that you’re the most unreasonable person on the planet.  What would you do?

If you answered “turn it off, then break off the knob and hide it somewhere,” chances are that you’re either:

1. A psychopath of some sort.
2. My roommate.
3. All of the above.

Seriously, the guy didn’t even say anything. Not once. He never turned it off before, never dropped a single hint, he just stole the knob and ran with it.

Of course, this was the stupidest idea ever. I know not to retaliate to this kind of thing, but my friend had an idea and I sort of had to go with it. There wasn’t really any option, since her idea was stinking fantastic.

We got some pliers, turned the air conditioner back on to “high,” and left. Round Two goes to me.

Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel have the same face. Fact.  But who’s hotter/prettier/the better singer/etc.?

Guess who? (I'm not going to say. You have to hover over the picture.)

Alright. Assessment time.  I think that Katy Perry is hotter or sexier than Zooey Deschanel. I think Zooey Deschanel kind of gives off this feeling of innocence, whether it’s real or perceived, and therefore they tie at overall prettiness.  (This makes sense in my head. Just roll with it.)

Musically speaking, Zooey’s songs with She & Him are “better.”  They have a nice indie-folk-country vibe.  Katy’s pretty mainstream pop, and while her songs are totally addictive they aren’t anything new.

Vocally, I favor Katy. This is really just a matter of opinion–both are good singers in their own right.

Guess.

Overall, I’d say that I like Katy better than Zooey. Katy’s a better all-around package.  She’s more polished-off as a celebrity than Zooey is.  I still love them both, though.  What do you think?

He sucks a lot. And in the “suck-is-a-bad-thing” way, not the “Sliimy-is-really-homosexual-so-he-probably-actually-sucks” way.

I really wanted to avoid giving him any press whatsoever, but there comes a time when things must be addressed.

Perez Hilton is like the king of whoring things out. And he’s whored this…thing out like nothing else.  Seriously.  The guy can’t sing, he looks weird, and he’s French.  (I don’t know why I included the last one, things just work better in threes…just ask your mom.)

The reason that I’m finally addressing him?  VH1 called him “genius,” specifically referring to the above version of “Womanizer.”  Yeah.  Really scary, huh?

Seriously.  This guy needs to be stopped.

If you actually like him at all, even just a little bit, please comment. Because I would like to punch you in the face. (Just kidding, I just want to know if such people exist.)

So, Tuesday I’m going to the dollar theater in Birmingham to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I’ve already seen this movie in theaters, and it was awesome, but I haven’t seen it in theaters and it only cost me a dollar yet.

The thing is, I’ve never been to the dollar theater. It sounds really, really sketchy to me. Then again, I’m pretty much the least-brave person in the country.  So there’s that.

Actually, that isn’t so true.  The other day we were gallivanting around the scary parts of downtown Birmingham around midnight and I was totally unafraid. Of course, I used to do that in Montgomery on a regular basis, since I worked in a baseball stadium in downtown Montgomery and didn’t get off work until after midnight on occasion.

Anyways, I will keep you updated on this adventure. Maybe. There’s always the off chance that I’ll get strangled in the dark theater or something.  (I promise to actually tell you if this theater is safe or not. This isn’t going to be like the mythical Phil Campbell post.)

I figured I could make a pretty awesome playlist for parties and such, since I’ve got such great (read: weird) taste and all. Anyways, here are 30 party songs.

These aren’t in order of importance, but in an order that would make some kind of sense to play straight through.  This is by no means comprehensive. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I like the sound of it.

1. “Just Dance” – Lady Gaga feat. Colby O’Donis and Akon
2. “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” – Daft Punk
3. “She Wolf” – Shakira
4. “Gold Digger” – Kanye West
5. “I’m Not Your Toy” – La Roux
6. “Boom Boom Pow” – Black Eyed Peas
7. “LoveGame” – Lady Gaga
8. “Blue” – Eiffel 65
9. “Punkb*tch” – 3OH!3
10. “Chillin’” – Wale feat. Lady Gaga
11. “Startrukk” – 3OH!3 feat. Katy Perry
12. “In for the Kill” – La Roux
13. “I Kissed A Girl” – Katy Perry
14. “U Can’t Touch This” – MC Hammer
15. “Bulletproof” – La Roux
16. “Poker Face” – Lady Gaga
17. “The New Workout Plan” – Kanye West
18. “Here (In Your Arms)” – Hellogoodbye
19. “Don’t Trust Me” – 3OH!3
20. “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” – Eurythmics
21. “Bad Romance” – Lady Gaga
22. “All Time Lows” – Hellogoodbye
23. “Stronger” – Kanye West
24. “Tubthumping” – Chumbawamba
25. “1901″ – Phoenix
26. “Touchdown Turnaround (Don’t Give Up on Me)” – Hellogoodbye
27. “Hot N Cold” – Katy Perry
28. “School Spirit” – Kanye West
29. “I Like It Rough” – Lady Gaga
30. “One More Time” – Daft Punk

MTV was supposed to premiere Beyonce’s new video, “Video Phone” (co-starring none other than my very own Lady Gaga) the other night, and just didn’t.  They cited “technical difficulties” as their reasoning why.  Apparently, “technical difficulties” keep them from putting up the video, and instead left half of the world watching “World’s Strictest Parents” and wondering where the heck the Beyonce went.

Speaking of “World’s Strictest Parents,” those parents totally didn’t seem that strict. The kids were just whiny.  My parents are totally just as strict, and I don’t mind that at all.

In other music-video-related news, Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” video premieres Monday on her website.  She showed a (approximately) 30-second preview on a German television show, and I’ve put it below.  Just a disclaimer: don’t watch it if you want to go to sleep tonight. It’s freaking scary.

Some thoughts on it after the break.

1. Lady Gaga should never, ever take her makeup off. She’s gorgeous, don’t get me wrong, and she’s fine without it. But it’s just not Gaga without some crazy insane eyes or lips or a blood lightning bolt or something.
2. What the heck is up with her lips when she has the crown mask thing on? It looks like she tried to color outside her lips with a dark red marker.
3. This reminds me of 1984, when Winston goes to prison and doesn’t know about time or the outside world at all.
4. She dances like my mother.

That is all for today’s pop culture news or whatever. Seriously, I have posted so much of this junk that it’s way obvious I’m out of ideas.

This is a serious soapbox affair, and it’s definitely not something everyone’s going to want to read.  But if you’re wondering why, exactly, the obsession over her exists, then read no further.  Actually, read further. I’m not sure how that expression works.

The Lyrics.

Lyrics, across the board, aren’t her strong suit.  Still, every now and then, she writes something so stunningly brilliant that it can’t be ignored. Examples include:

1. “LoveGame” – There’s really no way around it: the discostick metaphor is totally clever.
2. “Paparazzi” – “I’ll be your girl / Backstage at your show / Velvet ropes and guitars / Yeah, cuz you’re my rock star / In between the sets / Eyeliner and cigarettes.”
3. “The Fame” – “All we care about is / Pornographic girls on film and body plastic / Give me something, I wanna see / Television and hot blondes in odd positions.”
4. “Brown Eyes” – This song is so simple, yet so well-written. There aren’t any tricks up her sleeve here; just easy vulnerability in a story form. It echos the whole feel of the song sonically.
5. “I Like it Rough” – “I’m in the bedroom / With tissues and when / I know you’re outside banging but I won’t let you in / Cuz it’s a hard life / With love in the world / And I’m a hard girl / Loving me’s like chewing on pearls.”
6. “Future Love” – “My eyeliner runs in constellations / For you dear / If only I could reboot my / Mechanical heart / I’d think clear,” and “Baby I’m feeling so out of this world / Baby for you I’m a different girl / Oh oh oh, you’re my future love / Baby could we make a hole in the stars? / Baby somewhere in a galaxy far.”
7. “Fooled Me Again, Honest Eyes” – I can’t really pick a specific lyric here. This entire song is genius.

Yes, I’m aware that the last two aren’t actually released songs. Just roll with it, they’re still good.

The Sound.

Lady Gaga managed to create a sound on her debut album that had heavy inspirations from electronic, pop, and dance music, yet she put them all together in a creative and unique way.  Sure, if you listen to it now it sounds like a lot of the pop stuff that’s out now; that’s because most new pop music is directly inspired by Lady Gaga.

The Style.

This girl has swagger. Nobody else would show up in public, then virtually unknown to the world, wearing something like this:

She may not have a penis, but she's definitely got balls.

and look and feel completely confident with themselves.  Yeah, maybe that skirt is totally stupid. But you wear something like that out and public and it wouldn’t just look stupid, it would look awkward. Her confidence is key here.

The Personality.

Lady Gaga’s hilarious, but she’s also extraordinarily savvy.  She can show up, forget the words to “Viva la Vida,” and still turn down the chance to re-record it based on principle. She won’t lip sync. She knows, it would seem, exactly what’s coming up next–pantslessness, etc.  Look at any of her quotes and you’ll see that she can be lighthearted–”Do you have a penis?” “Yes I do, and it’s bigger than yours.”

The Talent.

This is, undoubtedly, the most important part.  In a way, it’s a mixture of her lyrics and sound, yet it also includes her actual singing ability and piano skill. Look at any of her live performances of “Paparazzi.”  They’re all very different.  Any song that can be re-worked beautifully so many times is extremely well-written.  Look at any of her acoustic performances. I guarantee that at least one of her songs has been stuck in your head before.  Her songs are varied, adaptable, and catchy.

You guys, this video has been ridiculously hard to get a hold of in decent quality. I don’t know why, it just has.

There are a couple of things I wanted to point out:

1. Katy Perry is possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet today.
2. The brunette guy needs a haircut desperately.
3. This video and this song are completely different from the original. Both are pretty good, but at the same time pretty ho-hum.  Katy’s a nice touch, but 3Oh!3’s never going to top/live down “Don’t Trust Me.”