Alright, fun story time!
I had the air conditioning in my dorm room on “low” for several days (it has four settings–off, high, medium, and low). Being a reasonable person, what would you do if you were cold?
Acceptable answers include:
- Drop hints that, hey, it’s kind of cold.
- Ask to turn it off.
- Just turn it off, getting the point across.
- Ignore it and deal with it.
Okay, now imagine that you’re the most unreasonable person on the planet. What would you do?
If you answered “turn it off, then break off the knob and hide it somewhere,” chances are that you’re either:
- A psychopath of some sort.
- My roommate.
- All of the above.
Seriously, the guy didn’t even say anything. Not once. He never turned it off before, never dropped a single hint, he just stole the knob and ran with it.
Of course, this was the stupidest idea ever. I know not to retaliate to this kind of thing, but my friend had an idea and I sort of had to go with it. There wasn’t really any option, since her idea was stinking fantastic.
We got some pliers, turned the air conditioner back on to “high,” and left. Round Two goes to me.
Very clever. That’s probably what I would have done too. But you might want to start sleeping with one eye open. Just in case. Maybe invest in some itching powder.
ACTUALLY, we came up with an awesomely exciting plan: Operation Bowie.
The idea is to get a big jar of glitter and put a pinch in a random possession of his every day. His towel, his bed, his laptop keyboard, the pockets of his clothes, etc. The jar itself gets hidden, and if he asks I’ll just say “There hasn’t been any glitter on any of my stuff…weird.”
Obviously, naming a covert glitter attack after David Bowie was only appropriate.
Glitter is definitely a better way to go. I recommend inside several random pages of texts books. Not too much. Just a tiny pinch. Enough for him to wonder if a stripper has been in your room.
Well…one has. Your mom.
Sorry, I had to go there. Thanks for the tip!